It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize