I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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