So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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