you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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