R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize