Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
