Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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