I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
