if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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