Small penises have feelings too.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
