Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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