I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
