i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
