i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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