I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
