At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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