I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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