Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
