Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize