Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
