there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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