people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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