my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
