The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
