everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
