Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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