at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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