guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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