What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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