My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
