I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
