summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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