hotel room ftw
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
