I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
