We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
