I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
