laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
