Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
