It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
