I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
