I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
