don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize