Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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