I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
