My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
