I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
