They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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