Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
