I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dicks are not precious.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
