ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
