just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
