Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
