grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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