PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The air was thick with penises
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
