The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
