she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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