Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
