suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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