if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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