i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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