pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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