i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
