i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
