just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
