just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
