i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
third nipple confirmed
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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