Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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