I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize