So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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