so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
