It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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