Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
