So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We need to get me chipped asap
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
