sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
