Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
