People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
