We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Actions speak louder than pants.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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