listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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