He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
