If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
