so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
