her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
