quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
