Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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