Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
