After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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