apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
