He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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