Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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