Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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