I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize