You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
nutella sex= disaster
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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