I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
