dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
