I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
