This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
