Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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