My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
