Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
