i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
