I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
