I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
