you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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