Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.

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(425): View more from Washington

I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.

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(516): View more from New York

she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.

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(775): View more from Nevada

sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works

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