do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize