Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
