you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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