doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
