Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
