went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
