Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize