Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sorry my hands just texted you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
