I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
