margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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