Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Semen is not good for contacts.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
