i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
