I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
