haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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